You're so fat if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take his word for it!
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
In the average lifetime a person will breath in about 44 pounds of dust.
Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.
He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
A 'face-off' in hockey was originally called a 'puck-off'.
You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL"
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.
If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad!
Diamonds mined in Brazil are harder than those found in Africa.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job!
Malcolm X's original name is Malcolm Little.
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
20252 is Smokey the Bear's own zip code.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
Identical twins do not have identical fingerprints.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
Jimmy Hoffa's middle name is, appropriately, Riddle.
Stannous fluoride, which is the cavity fighter found in toothpaste is made from recycled tin.
Yo momma's so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
A male baboon can kill a leopard.
A man gets robbed in London every 4.5 minutes! (and he is getting fed up of it)
I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!
Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.
Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
A cup and saucer short of a place setting.
You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat.
When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.
You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Actor John Wayne made more than 200 movies.
Clinophobia is the fear of beds!
Are your parents siblings?
Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!
In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!
Yo momma's so fat she's on both sides of the family.
You're so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican!
Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
All polar bears are left handed
I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
No high jumper has ever been able to stay off the ground for more than one second.